the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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