You're so nebulous sometimes
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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