she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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