Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
