Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
