just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
