I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
