he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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