I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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