I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
