dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
even my farts smell like vagina
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
