There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
