Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
