I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
