hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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