Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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