Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
