the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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