I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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