Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
