I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
