I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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