based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
