someone get that fucking seahorse.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize