Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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