Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
