I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
