Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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