don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
