so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
