At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
