so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
