Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
