when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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