I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
