dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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