Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
