Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
