i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
