i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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