You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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