I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
