"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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