My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
