yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
