Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
