yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
