Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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