I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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