And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
