plz talk dirty to me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
