He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
