So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
