piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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