I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
