Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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