Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
