Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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