i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We need to rekindle our bromance
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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