Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
