So drunk its hurt
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She needs sedatives and a leash
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
