if you like me you must not know who I am
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
