my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
