so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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