Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
