dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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