Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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