My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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