11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize