I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
