Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
