Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
