I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
