i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Panties = found
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
