I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think your dad took our porno
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
