he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
