My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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