I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
