some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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