God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
