Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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