i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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