i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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