The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
