U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
