First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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