after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
