Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
