plz talk dirty to me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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