and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
