I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
