I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
