She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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