Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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