It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
