Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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