The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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