i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
oh god was she eating orange peels again
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
