So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
